Marriage at 19. Largely guided by ‘Gods Will’ and powerful hormones kept at bay by the ‘waiting for marriage’ stance.
We were married for ten years, and two daughters came from our union. At 29 I looked back at the broken path of passive agressive behavior, negativity, counselling attempts, trying, trying, and trying more. I realized in our last sessions of counselling that my husband was not able to change his behavior, that he was stuck in that pattern that was so destructive. I realize now he was a dry drunk, sometimes described as worse than a drunk. At ten years I realized I could not do it for another ten years. My mental health was being affected. So began the process of separating and divorce.
Do I regret the young marriage? And truly I can’t regret something that resulted in my greatest gifts. I certainly look back and make many observations though.
Observations that don’t add much value in today’s life for me. It’s in the past, and I have put it there. I focus on the here & now, and the future.
Here & now, our daughters are 14&16. They see their dad infrequently as he has addiction & health issues. I’m supportive and understanding of those issues, and encourage my daughters to love him despite his failings, but to have healthy boundaries & expectations. Not always easy to be sure. But it is our path. It sometimes strikes me that I failed to give my children what I envisioned. However I realize I have given them so much more, strength to stand alone & to be in healthy relationship. Or no relationship. They make astute observations about boys and behaviors. I know they will stumble (we all do!) into relationships and out, but they are so smart already, I can imagine they know more than I did at 19 getting married!